So You Want What You Can't Have: Welcome to Life!

Ok... It's the senario we're all familiar with... Especially us women. The CLASSIC CASE: we want what we can't have. But... When life gives you lemons, Ladies... It's time to start lovin on lemonade!

But, like all things in life, we can try, can't we?! And try we did; we got back to basics... Reviewed the budget, reviewed the VISION... And, came up with an alternative plan! Here are a couple
clues:

Any ideas where I'm going with this? That's right... We abandoned the plan of a full course meal. And... Keeping in mind VISION... Came up with an alternative plan: A dessert and cocktail reception!

Wait and see for progress on this one... It's evolved into something quite beautiful...

But, as the rest of my life faces plenty of bumps, turns, and my share of "not getting what I want," this has been a powerful lesson for me... And, everyday I'm getting better at making lemonade.

What about you? How have you handled the lemons along the way - for your wedding... But, more importantly, your future marriage... And your life?

Because, at the end of the day, life's a gift... And it's good!

Channelling the Fluidity, Stop III

And the quest continues... Next stop: Country Club. Let me just start by saying that we'd looked into the "country club reception" (key dramatic fairytale music), and quickly determined that it wasn't within the budget. And, I'd resigned myself to that reality - and we were going to have a grace-filled, beautiful day regardless! In other words, we were the determined that the vision would win!

However... Perhaps a bit of masochism, perhaps a bit of fantasy, perhaps a bit of my oldest child self-determination, we (meaning me - and the fiance came along) decided to take a quick stop.

It's not the spectacular country club that I might had envisioned the first time around. But, it is classic, stately, and a space filled with great bones. It seemed that it could absorb the vision we're after more successfully than any other venue. Check it out (excuse the Christmas motif; focus on the bones):

The Country Club Foyer

The Country Club Main Room

Here's where we fell in love. The main room is long and fairly wide, but it's open to a wall of windows with a large veranda overlooking the golf course, with the north end opening to a patio. Again... It had the raw make-up which would bring light to the vision.

We were sold. But... The budget stood before us, a litmus test we had to figure out how to pass.

Channelling the Fluidity, Stop II

Next stop on the quest for the vision perfect venue? The Women’s Club. It, much like the train station, is older and fully restored. While our hearts were set on the train station, we were also impressed and interested in the Women’s Club. We’d seen a couple pictures online, and I had an idea from the Martha Stewart Magazine of just how to make it work… Maybe you’ve seen it:

Martha Stewart Mag: Old School Glamour

While it wasn’t exactly what I’d envisioned, I think I would still be able to keep our theme in check; I mean, no matter where we settled upon, it would require some tweaking, yes?

Here’s a picture of the main room at the Women’s Club:

The Women's Club - Main Room

Unfortunately, when we toured, we were less than impressed. We knew parking would be an issue, but we realized as soon as we pulled up that it may be virtually impossible. And that’s not the sort of tone we want to set before people had even entered the building! But, we knew also that if we fell in love with the place, we could work it out. However… The rooms all felt a little worn-out. It was renovated about 15 years prior, and it was starting to show it’s age. In fact, the ladies room clearly hadnt been touched since the 70’s – it showed! And while it was affordable, it was at the higher end.

We can rule this girl out.

Were there any spots that you knew – right away – this won’t work?

Keep It Fluid, Baby

So… We chose the church, and jumped through the hoops necessary – and, were really blessed with having the rules bend a bit in our favor. We have started the initial marriage counseling (a must-do! Even though you might not enjoy or absorb every minute – it gets you on the same page when it comes to MARRIAGE and the life ahead – which is really what the day is all about, right?!), and are moving right along with the planning process.

The church – without a doubt – fits in with overall scheme. And, because it’s naturally such a beauty, it won’t need any decoration – $$$ savings! Now, back to the vision for the day, and on to the next “first thing”: Reception Venue. We had a few options that fit our budget – and one that was a hopeful, but really didn’t seem like it would work financially. So, the boy and I headed home for the weekend:

First stop: An old train station… Fully restored. Incrediblely beautiful… And affordable. Take a look:

Train Station

We were completely gung-ho… It had a classic feel, and I was pretty certain we could pull off our grace-filled look marvelously here! The fiance loved it, because it had major “guy-appeal”; I mean, it’s a train station…

Once touring it, it was just a smidge smaller than we anticipated. All the tables would fit, but it would be a squeeze. And, in order to create a dance floor tables would have to be moved. But we could live with that! My fiance is a music guy. His concern: MAJOR ECHO. He was concerned that the acoustics would be overwhelming, and not the best dancing/party atmosphere.

How do you balance the pros and cons? I mean… The perfect venue doesn’t exist, let’s face it.

However… I just imagined the photos from a night here! Did we pick it? … Stay tuned!

First Things First!

How do your best days start?

I remember being asked that question, and I had to think about it for a minute – which alarmed me. I mean, shouldn’t I know how my best days begin, and strive to be starting them like that every day? But I guess I just had not been consciously AWARE.

Not only has that question given me more focus in my day-to-day life, it’s also helped as I begin the planning… How do the best weddings begin??? What is the best planning technique? The answer… The big stuff first. Figure out the sort of vision you have for the day, then fill in the big details: date (check!), church, reception venue… And move down the line.

For my fiance and I, our faith is central, and we want a wedding ceremony that invited God in, and celebrated the love we share. Thus, the church was first… We are planning the wedding in my hometown, while both of us living out of state (in different states from each other!), and we had one particular church in mind – but here’s some advice we learned the hard way. Get to know the processes for being married in your particular church or venue! It required membership both in that parish, as well as proof of membership in our current towns’ parishes – and a certain amount of time, which we didn’t have… Long story short, we have a very generous pastor who took the time to “investigate” our case – and once he knew we were legit, he bent the rules for us.

Take a look at the gorgeous church where we’ll exchange our vows:

St. Peter's Catholic Church

Did you have any unexpected roadblocks along the way when getting your first things first?

Get Real...

Planning's Nuts & Bolts

Remember… This whole process has taken place over the last 11 months, so it’s easier now for me to piece it together coherently; but, the clarity did not always reveal itself in the moment, unfortunately.

And those first couple months were just that – that is, until we “got real.” We had to set a date… And a, drumroll please, budget. My fiance and I have always been extremely communicative about our money – and our vision for it. Thankfully, we’ve created a vision together for our future – which gives us both a goal to work towards, and a practical plan to achieve it. But the wedding day budget… Ahh… There’s a test.

Unfortunately, due to a variety of circumstances, my family cannot contribute to the wedding. Thankfully, we’ve been blessed in a way that we’re capable of working it out on our own – sort of. We’ve been the recipients of much generosity, and we don’t feel like it’s been just us. However, our situation demands a modest, reasonable, and firm budget.

Once we settled on our budget, we moved towards a date. The budget gave us a window to work within – again, that sense of vision. Are you with me?! The date was decided. And then the adventure began. I had a parameter I could work within! Yes… It was smaller than preferred – but, it has given me motivation for creativity that I have never known – and that’s a real gift.

For us, we stuck to theknot.com budgeter – it’s not perfect, but it’s worked great for us. Then we started making some decisions. I named my top five must-haves… And we built around them.

Ours are: Stationary (it’s the first impression, sets a standard for the event), Church, Reception Venue (country club – it sets the tone via the environment), the Dress, and the Reception Decor. These are the most important elements to US – and all the others we’d have to flex on.

Have you gotten real? It’s hard.. But it’s freeing. And what are your must-haves?

Take it a step further. What about life beyond the wedding day?

Picture It.

All this talk about vision is great. But, in order for it to really be effective – both on my wedding day, and in life… The rubber’s gotta hit the road.

Step One: INSPIRATION. Shortly after getting engaged (as in as soon as I returned to my computer after all connected parties had been adequately informed), I hit the wedding websites and blogs. You know… Those places I’d occassionally ventured the last few years, for thirty seconds at a time – not daring to feast my eyes longer, as I was convinced it would jinx my chances of ever having a legitimate reason to view.

And feast I did. In a matter of days, I had more files in my inspiration folder than I did most other folders on my computer. I immediately pieced together a pictoral vision for the day – it’s evolved over the months as I’ve had to let some ideas go and embrace others – due mostly to practical reasons – budget, season, etc… But it’s been an invaluable tool in helping me make fluid decisions – because there are a million different GORGEOUS wedding styles out there… But the key to revealing the beauty? Fluidity. The day must mesh – or it feels awkward. VISION… It creates a path – for the wedding day… And in the bigger, broader experience of all that is life.

Here’s my top images, those I come back to over and over. Will my day look just like this? No. But, I am hoping, this FEEL will be there, undeniably so.

The Look: Bridal

The Look: Flowers

The Look: Church/Ceremony

The Look: Board

The Look: Board 2

The Look: Stationary

The Look: Exterior

The Look: Candlelit Reception

What do you think?

What's Your Vision?

“For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all our other work is but preparation.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

And that is where I find myself… And where I begin. In the midst of this life-altering, self-proving, this work of most importance – this unimaginable love.

But where does that bring me, practically speaking? Oh yes, to my wedding day. approximately 72 days away! August 15, 2008 opened the floodgates to fantasy, fashion, fluff, and fun! In other words, one expensive little rock gave me permission to plan (aka, begin the haunting, day and night, of every little beautiful detail imaginable) the party of a lifetime!!!

But this time became a valuable life lesson for me: the importance of creating and discovering vision for life. Before moving forward with the wedding planning, I needed to determine a vision for the day… I needed something overarching, unchangeable, and referencing. I needed something that would be my check and balance, my measurement, and my north star for this whole process of planning. (ONE day, mind you!) This vision had to simultaneously fill my head with dreams and guide me through the necessary sacrifices along the way. This vision became, in one word, grace.

Grace speaks loveliness… warmth… beauty… elegance… femininity… strength… welcome… and an embrace somehow unaffected by time. It is everything I hope for, not only for my wedding day, but for my marriage and myself. It is the vision for my day… And my life.

What’s yours?

But what does all this practically translate to? I mean, you ARE getting MARRIED, aren’t you?! Well… Glad you asked. Let’s get started.